i had to forge my own signature but i couldnt do it.

when i was a young girl

i stole things.

so

there is this human. Every other second that passes he changes into a shark. Every other step that he takes towards me he becomes a shark. A shark that lives on land that lives under my bed. My bed draped in cotton red covered with feathered pillows. My walls are white and un-decorated. The most interesting object in my room is this shark that lives under my bed. Or is it a human. I am standing barefoot in my room. This sharkman-manshark starts to run towards me. HumanSharkHumanSharkHumanSharkHumanShark every other second. The human in him is scarier than the shark. He is ugly with jagged teeth with eyes that say nothing. The shark – I like the sharks features. I cannot move. The boy that lives across the hall tries to help me. He gets a bucket of water and pours it into the room. The room floods. I watch the shark drown and die. I am sad. Thats not what I wanted but I didnt say what I wanted so ideas and motives were misunderstood. I just watched as the water filled the room and turned the white walls blue. He thought I was in trouble but I wasnt. I wanted the shark to come near me.

i dreamt about him.

i

purpose purpose purpose

i quess the p u r p o s e of these writings is to remind me later of the happenings of what has happen

i quess i want strangers to get to know me

i quess i dont want the people that i know to know me

i quess later on when i reread recall reremember the seconds that i have  purposefully lived – the seconds that were s u r p o s e to be mine i can either say

“fuck you”

or

“oh how i r e m e m b e r those days”

i guess im ok

no no. im alive.

i died

So

I sat in a purple chair.

Another sat in a purple chair in front of me.

Another sat in a green chair beside me.

I am still sitting in my chair – breathing a little more uneasy than seconds before.

I now notice how uncomfortable this chair is.

I now notice how hard it is to breath when you notice that you are breathing.

tap tap tap

I am now sitting in a chair surrounded by strangers.

Strangers sitting in chairs surrounded by each other.

Iwasamstillthinking

people smile a lot here – more at strangers

i remembered when i smiled a lot – i must have looked stupid

it was my birthday – my day of birth – the birth of day – i always feel like you should die after the celebration of your birthday – its only fair

my friends gave me cigarettes for my birthday – now i smoke more because it was free

doing nice things do not deserve thank yous – its your fault for being nice.